Feminism: Principle vs. Reality
Recently, during a vacation in a tiny town in Uttarakhand, we met an older Bengali couple, who proved to be delightful company. Sharing tidbits of anecdotes, we forged a bond. Uncle spoke glowingly of his son, a software engineer, who is doing very well for himself. Later we found that they had twins — a son and a daughter. When we asked about her, he said in a similarly glowing manner, “She’s married to an Army officer.” Afterwards, while my parents discussed this couple’s fortune — two well-settled children — all I could think about was how, apparently, being married into a good family for a woman is an achievement equivalent to a man having a well-paying job. My parents didn’t think much of this inconsistency when I brought it up.
Feminism is a range of political and social movements and ideologies that share a common goal to define, establish, and achieve political, economic, personal, and social equality of sexes. At the core of feminism lies the concept of equality. As a feminist myself, I think it is the need of the hour. However, it is truly unfortunate that this need itself is refuted by many. India, which somehow manages to be ancient and modern at the same time, is in the midst of a major cultural transition, and it has been for a long time now.
However, it is naïve to assume that accepting feminism is the answer to all our problems, because as ideal and sensible as the ideology is on paper, the more complicated it is to translate into real life. While we preach equality for all, we empower women to assert their rights, encourage men and others to join the movement, we conveniently neglect the voices which need to be heard most — the ones who don’t share the same privileges as us. A critique of the mainstream feminist movement is that the movement favors upper-caste, privileged women. On one hand, we may champion the right for women to receive education, on the other, most of us hardly pay heed to the fact that our domestic helps are the very women who have been denied this right, and only a few of us try to change this.
Pratima didi, who worked in my house for close to eight years, and was nothing short of a family member, cleared her 10th and 12th boards while she stayed with us (albeit with multiple attempts). Soma didi, who joined us a few years later, expressed a wish to learn the English alphabet, and gave up after one ‘class’, with protests of “mujhse nahi ho payega.” It is tempting to say that only those who genuinely want to be helped can be helped. For someone who is concerned with access to clean water, adequate food and providing for their families, questions of flawed socializations, breaking glass ceilings and such lie at the far end of the horizon.
Even in middle class households, conversations with feminist undercurrents often undertake unfavorable courses owing to deeply entrenched patriarchal mindsets. When both your parents return home after a tiring day at work, it would typically be your mother who’d be expected to make tea. Any protests to this or similar behaviors are met with a resistant response of “this is how things have always been, and you can’t change the order all of a sudden.”
Still, these attempts to reason are not in vain; in one infinitesimal victory, through insistent rebuttals and rebukes, now, on reading news reports of incidents involving rape, my parents don’t immediately jump to blaming the victim and her behavior. There is no denying that we have a long, arduous way to go, but with efforts to provide equal platforms to all, and unifying these different fronts, we can hope to envision a future where someday a parent would introduce their son-in-law in association to their daughter, rather than the other way round.
Tanya Dutta
